Putting the Past Behind

When I started creating my plan for a new future -- the first two items on my list included selling my house in New Jersey and finding a beautiful house to rent in Tampa.

After spending Spring Break in Tampa meeting with a Realtor and checking out houses, my son realized I was serious about moving.  I could now put a For Sale sign outside in my front yard.  

What I wasn't prepared for were the emotions and grief that hit me once the sign was set and selling was a reality. 

While I knew it was the Right Thing To Do ~ all the memories of our life together came flooding back to me.  Jeff and I had bought this house together and lived here for 10 years.  It was the place we bought to build a life in.  I had gotten pregnant in this house, we had Zack here, and all our plans for the future were now not going to happen.

As I sat inside the dining room, glancing around, all the bad of Jeff's illness hit me like a wave.  All the memories of his seizures, his surgeries, his treatments......I'm sure there were so many feelings that I hadn't processed because I had been too busy tending to all the details after he passed away. 

One thing I had learned over the last year was when a wave of grief hit me, I had to sit down, work through it, and allow myself to feel, acknowledge and then let go.  Otherwise, it can come back in negative ways.

I can't stuff it any longer!!  That isn't healthy for me.

Letting the past GO can be hard......but it is the Hope of the Future that kept me moving forward.

A Better Life is on the horizon.