A Bubble of Healing

When you are broken, beaten up and your world is shattered, you need to wrap yourself up in a bubble of protection from the outside world.  No newspapers, no surfing the internet, no twitter, no negative news.

When I was at the gym and on the treadmill during that period, I couldn't listen to the news.  Instead I would put on sports center.

No negative energy was allowed into my space.

I had been beaten up emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.  I was just doing what I needed to for us to get by.

In that bubble I reflected, on the people that had been in my life ~ the people that were there during the crisis and the ones who reached out afterwards.  I analyzed and I categorized people, and I kept a small circle of friends and family close ~ Everyone else was placed outside of my bubble.
  
I also had a couple of people who had their own issues of anger over Jeff's passing that became directed at me.

That was not acceptable!

I may be able to understand the misplaced anger on some level but I do not condone it, and that interaction got shut down.

I was focusing on self-preservation.  If I didn't make it what would happen to my son.  I had to heal, for both of us.

I worked with a therapist, I wrote and I healed.....day by day....then month by month.....and then it was a year.  A milestone.

My son had been dreading the day.  He scribbled it out on the calendar and told me he wasn't talking to anyone that day.  I don't know if he thought something else horrible was going to happen.

But at the end of that day.....we were still there.....and he looked up at me and said, "Today is one year since daddy died." I replied, "I know."

His sad blue eyes stared back at me and stated, "We're going to be o.k."

I almost cried, my heart broke inside for him.  I hugged him saying, "Yes, we are."