There are No More opportunities for conversations.
When I signed Jeff over to Hospice and he was rushed to Valley Hospital to stop the ongoing seizures and give him relief for the pain, I thought by providing relief we would have time to talk and have some sort of closure.
I wasn't prepared for that to be the end.
When the Hospice nurse told me, a couple of days later, that he may not every come out of the medicated haze he was under to stop the seizures.....My world dropped out from under me.
Each time they tried to lessen his medication he started to seizure again.......and he had gone through enough pain....
As I sat at his bedside I realized everything I had done hadn't changed the outcome.
My whole body was on fire.
I was used to making things happen. But yet I wasn't able to do anything to change this. All my efforts failed.
Having no closure was a devastating blow.
Not being able to talk through anything anymore was something I wasn't used to and it got me so Angry!!
Not being able to change anything about our relationship. How was that possible.......I felt so out of sorts.
15 years together and then gone!!
I had to retrain my mind to accept that this part of my life was done ~ I HAD no choice but to move on ~ I was given no choice.
No comments:
Post a Comment